Frustration

Coming back from the Adult Rehabilitation Center Chapel last Wednesday our group ran into Anna. She was trudging through the sidewalk with a determined expression. One arm was swinging while the other carefully cradled something in a black plastic sack. It was obvious that her precious cargo was alcohol… nothing new for her. With her head down, she didn’t see us at first, but when she finally looked up her face brightened and glowed with anticipation to speak. We greeted her with the usual smiles and hugs and asked why she looked so determined. I jokingly said that she seemed as though she was on a mission. She replied with enthusiasm, “I am on a mission!” She shouted at us to walk with her and so we pressed back down the way we had just come.

Anna ranted about what was new in her life since we saw her last, and shouted a few “hellos” to others on the street. We walked fast around the corner of the Institute for Human Services (Men’s shelter) and down back to the front of the ARC, where she waved to a man I’ve never seen before. As we approached he grew a smile while Anna explained our presence. She confessed to him that she “got sidetracked” and gave him his “change”. She plopped on the card board that he was sitting on and introduced him to us as John.

As time passed we talked about this, that, and other things. However, with Anna the conversation always ends in the same place. She told us how much that she loved our visits and the talks we had. It brightened her day.

By this time Anna was pretty drunk and was very all over the place. With a beer in her hand she explained to us that she was “okay” and “doing fine” which was completely different from the last time we talked to her. Even though I’ve only know Anna a short time I can tell you the truth, that Anna is not fine. I can also tell you that Anna is better than this.

For the first time I felt angry with Anna. I wanted to take the beer she had set at her side and throw it down the street. I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her, tell her that she is better than this and that God has wonderful plans for her. That he loves her and it breaks his heart to see her like this. I wanted to tell her that she needs help – now.
What makes me even angrier is that I didn’t say anything. I nodded my head and smiled at the jokes she was telling. I think I was scared more than anything. I didn’t know what would happen to the relationship that had grown. I wasn’t sure how Anna would react to my screaming at her. But it just upset me to see her waste away like that.

The night ended with Anna falling into a drunken sleep and us walking away with heavy hearts.